This is postpartum. Stretch marks, loose skin, a little pudgy... but holy whoa did my body just do a thing. This is my postpartum. And it is complicated and confusing.
I have struggled with body image issues more since becoming pregnant the first time (and subsequently afterwards as well), than any other time in my life.
I have never paid attention to the number on the scale. I couldn’t tell you what I weigh; it’s never meant much to me. As long as I look at me and feel good about myself, the number doesn’t mean shit.
But postpartum is when I start to get a little antsy. It’s when I look in the mirror and don’t feel like me. It’s hard for me to feel sexy or like the way my clothes fit. This is when I frump- I wear loose clothing and rarely get dressed up (also, pandemic so like... why?) to help hide the changes that my body has seen lately.
This is when I am the most critical of myself and I struggle with issues of not liking where I am, physically... But I also find myself being so in awe of what my body did just a few short months ago.
This is the body that came back from a loss to bring life into this world, twice.
This is the body that built two tiny humans FROM SCRATCH.
This is the body that rearranged organs to make room for growing babies.
This is the body that performed at near professional athlete level 24/7 just to sustain the life inside of me for almost 2 years of my life.
This is the body that has fought hard to get two perfectly spicy little humans earth side.
This is the body that decided it was going to shoot one of those tiny humans out with little notice and no hope of pain meds or a doctor to give aid.
This is the body that has given me everything I’ve ever wanted and more.
So this is your reminder that it is okay to look in the mirror and want to work on yourself. It is okay to be critical and want for change sometimes, even, so long as you don’t rest here.
You know how they say, "little ears may be listening?" Well, you know who else’s ears are listening? YOURS. You are a continuous work in progress. Please remember that and remember to be kind to yourself.
Talk to your body the way you would talk about your daughter’s body. Think of everything your body has gotten you through. This is your ONE body. And regardless of how you feel about it today, yesterday or tomorrow, this body of yours has done, and will do, amazing things.